Sweet Redemption
by I-believe-in-always
Summary: Sequel to Beautiful and Lost. Rated T for upcoming chapters. Enjoy!
1. Prologue

_The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  
_Mahatma Ghandi

"Bro! We got a fresh one, down on Lexington and 51st. Lanie's there already, Castle and Beckett are on their way. Let's go!" Javier Esposito's voice rings out through the 12th precinct, directed at his partner in the break room.

"Alright, but I'm driving!" Kevin Ryan replies, an amused smile playing across his lips as he hears his partner scoff.

"Yeah right! You drove last time! It's my turn now, besides…" Esposito scanned his and Ryan's desks for the keys, snatching them up quickly from beside his computer as Ryan walks back out into the precinct with his coffee. "…I've got the keys."

Ryan and Esposito fall in step beside each other as they head towards the elevators, slinging on jackets to protect against the bitter cold wind that was ripping through New York during an unseasonably cold spring.

"Last time didn't count! As I remember, you were the one who offered _my _driving services 'cause you had a sore wrist!"

"So does count bro. Just like that level on Halo that you-"

"Oh no way! You distracted me! I failed that level because of your inability to eat chips quietly."

"You failed that all on your own bro. Don't worry, I won't drive too fast." Esposito turns and grins at his partner beside him, amused at the defeated look on Ryan's face.

Kevin sighs dramatically, but smiles back at his partner, happy to be able to bicker with him again. "Whatever, but I'm driving next time!"

Esposito laughs, and then becomes serious. "Hey, Kevin…I'm glad we're okay. I was lost without you bro."

Ryan shrugs, "We're brothers. Brother's forgive each other."


	2. Chapter One

Sunlight filters through the blinds and softly kisses the faces of the two bodies, entwined around each other, sleeping peacefully.

Jenny Ryan wakes slowly, squinting her eyes against the intrusive light. She raises her head slightly from her husband's chest to gaze at his face. She's comforted by the fact that he's had an uninterrupted nights sleep, the peace evident on his relaxed face. Smiling softly, Jenny brings a hand up to caress his cheek, gently tracing the curve of his face down to the point of his chin and back up to his temple. Five, ten minutes pass, before Kevin begins to stir from his sleep. His eyes open to see Jenny's looking back at him, sparkling in the morning haze.

"Hi." He rasps, voice full of sleep.

"Hi back," Jenny murmurs, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"What time is it?"

"Hmmm, nearly 10."

Kevin sighs, wishing they could stay in this happy bubble, in this bed, forever. "We should get up. Brunch?"

"Let's stay in. I'll make us something. Wanna take a shower first?" Jenny bites her lip and raises an eyebrow suggestively, watching as Kevin's eyes darken, feeling his hand grip her hip tightly.

"I'd like that very much." He replies, proud that his voice remains steady. "It makes sense to shower together, I'm very big into conserving water."

Jenny slides a hand down his chest and under the sheet that is bunched around his waist, grazing her fingers along his length. "I know of something else _big _that I'd like to get_ into._"

Kevin groans and his eyes flutter shut, his hand gripping her hip tighter. All of a sudden, he feels her weight disappear from the bed and her hands from his body. Opening his eyes, he sees her walking seductively away from him towards their ensuite in the main bedroom. _God, those hips, those legs. _Swaying wondrously, torturously away from him.

"You coming? Might start without you…" Jenny says, looking back over her shoulder at him, laughing as he literally leaps out of the bed and hurries after her. He wraps his arms around her waist; dropping kisses on her shoulder, her neck, and her collarbone. She leans her head back into him, allowing him better access. Stumbling, they make their way to the bathroom, intent on repeating the bliss that overtook them during the night.

Far from the pain of yesterday, today might just be okay.

* * *

Javier Esposito prides himself on his pancakes. He's heard, from an incredibly reliable source, that his pancakes are 'the best I've ever tasted.' Grinning to himself, he wonders what his 'source' will say this morning when he wakes her up with breakfast in bed.

"Mmmm, do I smell Javier Esposito's famous pancakes?" Lanie leans against the doorframe of her bedroom, watching him across the room. He looks so at home in her kitchen, in her apartment. _And damn is he sexy when he's being domestic._

Javier looks over his shoulder and feels the familiar tightening sensation in his groin again as he drinks her in with his eyes; she's wearing his shirt from last night, her hair is falling softly around her face, over her shoulders and down her back.

Eyeing her up from top to bottom and back again before turning back to the pancakes, Javier replies, "I thought I'd make you some pancake a la Esposito to say thank you _so_ much for last night, sexy."

Padding quietly across the room, Lanie slips up behind Javier and wraps her arms around his bare waist, making him jump slightly.

"You too." She whispers before placing a trail of kisses over his shoulder up his neck to his ear, reveling in the shudder he gives and the soft sigh that escapes his lips. "Nice boxers," she adds, barely concealing the light tease in her voice at his bright pink and purple striped pajama attire. Javier laughs, the sound filling her chest and flowing into her heart.

They stand like that for a few minutes, Lanie wrapped around him, Javier flipping pancakes. She wonders if she should bring up the dramas going on at the 12th, but decides to let it go; he'll talk when he's ready. More importantly, he'll talk to Ryan and Beckett when he's ready. Right now, she just needs to be the girl he can't keep his eyes, or his hands, off.

"Pancakes are done!" Javier breaks the silence, turning in Lanie's arms to show her the two plates of pancakes in his hands, complete with strawberries and maple syrup.

"Ooh baby, they look amazing!" Lanie exclaims, taking a plate from him and wandering over to the table. Setting her plate down, she pulls out a chair but just as she's moving to sit down, his hands settle on her hips, and his mouth is at her neck. Tilting her head slightly, Lanie brings her mouth to meet his in a sweet, lingering kiss that soon escalates into a heated kiss of desperation and passion.

Breaking apart breathlessly, Lanie clutches his hands under her own and gently kisses his jaw. "Javi…what was that for?"

"Just because I can. And…thank you. For listening to me, for putting up with me." His voice is barely a whisper, but Lanie hears it clearly.

Slowly she turns to face him, winding her arms around his neck. "I will _always _be here for you Javi." Hugging him tightly, she buries her head in his neck, breathing him in. "I-I love you Javier."

Esposito pulls back from the hug and kisses her softly, sweetly. Cupping her face with his hands, he flutters his lips over her eyes, her nose, her mouth, and her jaw. "I love you too chica." His words are tender and laced with emotion. Placing one last kiss on her lips, Javier grins and says, "Now, eat your pancakes before they get cold."

Lanie laughs and mock salutes him. "Yes sir!"

Tomorrow, the next day, next week, he'll talk to Ryan. He'll talk to Beckett. But today, right now? All he wants is her, the safety she provides and the love she makes him feel. He needs his family, but she's enough, for now.


	3. Chapter Two

_You scream,  
__and no one listens.  
__You live on cold regret,  
__and all you ever want is to feel free._

* * *

"So?"

"Lanie, you know my answer is going to be no. I'm not coming into the precinct with you."

"It's just to give Captain Gates the notes on the latest two victims they're dealing with. It'll be a quick visit Javi, you don't even know that Kevin will be there." Lanie pauses, thinking. "I know you miss it. I know you miss him, and Beckett." She murmurs softly, reaching out to Javier.

"Everything's changed chica, I'm not ready to go back there."

Lanie sighs, knowing her efforts are useless. It's been four days since Esposito turned up at her apartment, drunk and crying. Four days since he was placed on administrative leave. Four days since he's seen or talked to Ryan, Beckett and Castle. She wonders how Jenny and Castle are coping, dealing with Ryan and Beckett.

_Well I know exactly how Castle and Beckett are coping,_she thinks with a smirk. She'd barely been able to wait 24 hours after Esposito turned up before calling Beckett, because, though Javier couldn't be sure where Beckett had gone, Lanie knew exactly where, and with whom, she would have been.

* * *

"_Beckett."_

"_Since the last time I saw you, you've almost died and you quit your job. Care to enlighten me of any other details girl?"_

"_Lanie? Uh hey…so you've been talking to Espo?"_

"_Talking…and other things. Castle?"_

"_You and Espo are back on then? I'm happy for you two. Uh, how did you know I was with…?"_

"_Girl, come on. I knew he would have been the first person you ran to. I know everything is a bit hectic and things have changed, but just tell me one thing, okay?"_

"_Okay. What's that?"_

"_Are you happy?"_

"…_I didn't think I could be happy without my job, Lanie, but I'm so happy. He's all I want right now."_

* * *

"Javi, I understand that you're feeling lost and confused, but baby, you're going to have to talk to both of them at some point. And your leave does end at the end of next week. You can't stay away forever." Lanie points out softly, walking over to where Esposito is propped against the couch, holding out her hand for him, which he grasps within his own.

"Chica I know. I just need a bit more time. I'm not trying to stay away, I just…I need to…I'm still angry." Javier whispers, bringing her hand up to rest against his face, leaning into it.

"At Ryan?"

"No…At myself."

"Oh Javi." Lanie steps in between his legs and wraps her free arm around his waist, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. "You were doing your job, you were helping your friend. Don't be angry for that."

"I'm trying, believe me I'm trying." Esposito tenderly wraps his arms around her, pulling her in tighter.

"I do. I believe _in _you Javier Esposito." Lanie leans back from the hug to look into his eyes. "I love you."

Esposito swiftly places a chaste kiss on her lips and whispers against them, "I love you more."

"Not possible."

"So possible."

"Uh ah."

"Yah huh."

"I have to go." Lanie says quietly, breaking free from the embrace, running her hands down his arms to twine with his fingers.

"Tell Gates I'll be back real soon." Javier jokes, laughing unconvincingly.

Lanie smiles sadly and squeezes his hands firmly, before she heads over to the door to pick up her bag and the case files for Captain Gates.

"Lanie?" She looks back at him. "If Ryan is there…" Esposito shrugs and Lanie sets her bag down again. Walking to the spot between his legs she just vacated, she presses one, two, three firm, but sweet kisses to his lips and nods her head.

"I know."

And then she's gone.

_Tell him I miss him._

* * *

Kevin can't remember a time when he was alone at the precinct. He could always rely on the others, his team. Esposito, Beckett, Castle. He hasn't seen Lanie in days, and realizes that he misses her a lot, too. Looking around the bullpen, Kevin sighs as he takes in Beckett's empty desk, Castle's empty chair, and Esposito's normally cluttered desk that someone has had the nerve to organize. When was the last time he was this alone? Giving himself a little shake, he tries to bring his mind back to the mountain of paperwork he's meant to be doing. Somehow, it's not as fun by himself.

* * *

"_Yo, Ryan! Catch!"_

_Kevin looks up from the report he's writing up to see a baseball soaring towards him through the air, and reaches up with nimble fingers to deftly stop its flight. _

"_Nice throw, but..." He throws it back to Esposito who catches it swiftly, "…I don't think the Yankees will be calling you up any time soon." _

"_Why you gotta be a downer bro? You wait man, I'll be hitting the big time any day now." Esposito turns the ball over in his hands, a thoughtful look on his face. "Wanna make this lot of paperwork more interesting bro?" He indicates the pile of folders perched on the join of their desks, waiting to be written up. _

_Kevin considers his colleague, intrigued. Eyeing up the pile of folders, he replies, "Sure, why not? This afternoon is slow anyway." _

"_Alright. First one to drop the ball gets the other's half. Fair?"_

"_Javi, when has either of us ever dropped a baseball? We'll be going all night!"_

"_Nah bro…we catch and throw with our gammy hands. You'll be out in ten seconds flat."_

"_Don't make bets you can't cash, Detective Esposito." Kevin quips, standing up and cracking his knuckles jokingly. _

"_Game on Ryan."_

* * *

Kevin laughs to himself, remembering how he'd gladly passed over his half of the paperwork to Esposito after only a few minutes.

"_You shouldn't have made a bet you couldn't cash, Espo." _

Twirling his pen between his fingers, Kevin realizes he misses everything that his team stands for; friendship, loyalty and justice. He misses the banter, the gentle ribbing between brothers with Esposito. He misses Beckett and spinning theories. He misses Castle and spinning even _crazier _theories. God, he even misses Beckett and Castle and their blatant, lovesick relationship.

* * *

"_Are we interrupting something?" Esposito asks, sniggering, as Beckett and Castle look around, startled._

"_Ah no…no." Beckett stutters unconvincingly, while Castle drops her hand abruptly._

"_Yeah right. Mom & Dad both blushing…Of course we're not interrupting!" Kevin exclaims dramatically, grinning as Beckett and Castle both blush deeper shades or crimson._

* * *

Sighing, Kevin puts pen back to paper and continues writing up reports, closed cases, convict files. He writes until his hand begins to seize up and his eyes begin to hurt. Glancing at his desk clock, he sees it's nearing 4:30pm. He's been writing for nearly six hours. He flicks off a quick message to Jenny before rubbing his eyes.

_Be home bit after 5._

_Been doing paperwork all day, tired =(_

_Love you x_

Weary and slightly grumpy, he makes his way to the break room, intent on making a strong coffee to get him through the next hour and a half. The steam from the espresso machine clouds his vision, but _oh my god, that smells good. _ Taking a sip, Kevin closes his eyes and moans slightly.

"Enjoying your coffee a bit much there Kevin?" a voice floats through the break-room, startling him back to reality. Turning around to face the person who's the one connection to the two people he's lost, Kevin offers a sad smile.

"Lanie."

* * *

_Sweet redemption_

_is just out of sight._


	4. Chapter Three

**Please review and let me know what you think. This chapter was really hard to write, particularly the Lanie/Kevin part. And I'm still not entirely sure about the ending...What do you reckon?**

_Courage is a greater virtue than love.  
At best, it takes courage to love._

**Paul Tillich**

* * *

Captain Victoria Gates is a no nonsense kind of woman, and she definitely does not believe in molly-coddling her team. When she first took over at the 12th Precinct after the death of Captain Montgomery, she was a more than a little shocked at how things had been running. Detectives digging in cases they shouldn't, chasing cases to places they didn't belong. Her eyebrows had nearly disappeared into her hairline when she'd read about the Royce case, and Detective Beckett's cross-country jaunt to find his killer. If that had happened on her watch, Beckett would have been out of her precinct faster than she could say 'Iron Gates'. _A firm, direct approach is what's best for all concerned in this team. _She was tough, but fair. So when Beckett called her resignation, and Detectives Esposito and Ryan fell apart faster than she had ever seen two partners do before, Captain Gates felt unsure; unsure of where to go next, and what to do with a broken team whose one remaining member was barely getting by.

* * *

"Doctor Parish, thank you for bringing these case files in on such short notice. Needless to say it's been a hectic few days, and not having these files on hand was just going to create more stress that I do not have time for right now." Captain Gates ran a hand over her face and closed her eyes.

"It was no problem Captain, I actually wanted to come by and see if Kevin is doing okay…well," Lanie gestures out of the office towards the break room, where Kevin Ryan was still slouched on the sofa, sleeping. "…come and see Kevin anyway." she finished sadly.

Captain Gates glanced towards Ryan too, and sighed. Looking up from her desk at Lanie, she smiled slightly. "I've known for years what they call me behind my back; and I know its taken time for the team to warm up to me. But I cannot do my job properly with a broken team that's scattered around the city, especially when there are murders happening everyday!" Gates emphasizes, running her hand over her face again and through her hair, giving her a slightly crumpled look. "I've never seen a team who cares about each other as much as this one."

Lanie sighed as well, graciously accepting the seat Gates offers across from her. "I understand how difficult this must be Captain. I heard a couple of the other detectives grumbling that they were on call twice as often now that Esposito and Beckett are gone. And believe me, I know those three work best when they work together. And Castle too."

Gates purses her lips, frowning. "Yes…Castle too. He has proven to be an integral part of this team lately."

Both women sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts. Lanie clasps her hands together and glances over at Gates. "Captain…will you-I mean, are you going to replace Beckett and Esposito?"

"I don't want to, not yet. They're both extremely good detectives who made some poor decisions. I'd like to think Detective Esposito would come back as soon as his leave is up, but as for Beckett…I can't wait for forever for her to change her mind. Do you think she'll change her mind?" Gates queried, staring expectantly at Lanie.

"Honestly, I don't know. This job was everything to her until Castle came along. I think she needs some time to figure herself out without the police force. As for Detective Esposito…" Lanie paused, chewing her lip. "…he'll come back. He misses it. He misses Ryan."

Gates turns and takes in the disheveled state of Ryan again, sighing. "How's Detective Ryan doing? I haven't had much time to talk to him about all this."

"He's surviving."

* * *

_Kevin crossed the break room in three easy strides, embracing Lanie in a firm hug, which she returned equally tightly._

"_I wasn't sure when I'd see you again." Ryan mumbled, releasing her from his arms. "Have you seen Esposito? Beckett?"_

_Lanie shook her head, offering him a small smile. "I know we're not the closest of friends Kevin, but I'm always here for you, even if it's just in passing. And I've talked to Beckett on the phone; she's doing okay. She's trying to figure out what she wants, I guess. Castle is her main priority now though. Javi…I've seen him." She bit her lip slightly, trying to gauge his reaction._

_Kevin's face breaks into a beaming smile, one that he wasn't sure he'd be able to show again. "I'm happy for you two Lanie. Really."_

"_He misses you." Lanie says quietly, softly. "And I know you miss him; I can tell you've been working spasmodic hours…Javier is the opposite. He's been doing nothing for the past few days and I can tell it's slowly driving him crazy."_

"_Yeah well…I don't have a team to share the workload with anymore. Maybe if I hadn't been so rule-abiding we wouldn't be in this situation." Kevin mutters, turning away from Lanie to make her a cup of coffee. _

"_Kevin Ryan. Your rule-abiding decision saved their lives. This situation is no one's fault, lest of all yours. What you did, following protocol…Beckett would be dead if you hadn't told Gates. Javier would be more broken than he is now. I would have lost my best friend. Castle would have lost the love of his life. You would have lost a good friend, a great colleague. The fact that Javier is on administrative leave and Beckett resigned is entirely not your fault Kevin. Your courage to stand up to your friends like that prevented a lot of heartache Detective Ryan. Don't you dare go beating yourself up over this." Lanie stands there, hands on her hips, glaring at Ryan as if challenging him to contradict her._

_Ryan laughs sadly, keeping his eyes fixated on the espresso machine. "Try telling Javier, try telling Kate." _

"_Decisions were made that day Kevin. Some were good; some were not so good. The three of you were just not on the same page, that's all." Lanie walked over to stand beside him, taking the cup of coffee from his hands and sipping at the warm, creamy foam. _

"_I'm so tired. I miss them so much." His voice is barely a whisper, a breath that's hardly alive but Lanie hears it clear as day. Setting her cup down on the bench, Lanie places her hands on Kevin's and pulls him around to face her. A single tear slips out of his eye and he shrugs, as if to say it's no big deal. Lanie releases his hands and wraps her arms around his shoulders, hugging him fiercely. _

"_I know you do." _

_Lanie pulls away from the hug and motions for him to sit down on the sofa. He obliges, sinking into the plush cushions with a sigh. _

"_I need to talk to Gates. Take a nap Kevin, you're exhausted." _

"_No I can't…too much paperwork to do…" Ryan mumbles, closing his eyes. "I'll just sit here for a couple of minutes…"_

_Lanie watches as his breathing slows down and becomes even, then steps softly out of the break room, and wanders over to his desk. In his jacket pocket she finds his cell phone, on which she quickly dials Jenny's number. She answers after the third ring._

"_Hey honey."  
_"_Jenny, it's Lanie."  
_"_Lanie? Why are you calling from Kevin's phone? Is something wrong?"  
_"_No nothing's wrong Jenny. I've been talking to Kevin, that's all. He's fallen asleep on the sofa in the break room, I think you should come and get him."  
_"_I'm on my way."_

_Lanie hears the click of Jenny hanging up and places the phone back on Ryan's desk. Picking up the files from where she'd set them down earlier, she heads into Gates' office._

* * *

"Kevin."

"Hmmmpf, Jenny…'sat you?" Ryan mumbles sleepily, blearily opening his eyes against the harsh light of the break room.

"Yeah it's me honey. Come on, I'm taking you home." Jenny sits down lightly on the sofa and kisses her husband softly on his lips.

Kevin sits up slowly and rubs his eyes. He notices Lanie standing in the doorway, watching them. Nodding his head slightly in thanks, she smiles and turns away.

"Jenny?"

"Kevin."

"I have a couple of phone calls I need to make before we leave."

Jenny leans forward and wraps her arms around her husband, burying her head into his neck. Kevin responds tenderly, turning his head awkwardly to place a kiss on the top of her head. When she breaks the embrace, her eyes are shining.

"I'm proud of you."


	5. Chapter Four

_It is when we are without our friends  
that we realize who we are because of them._

* * *

'Where the hell is my phone?' Javier thinks to himself, searching through his jacket, jeans and shirt pockets, finally locating it in the pair of pants he wore yesterday. The melodic tune vibrating out of the tiny speakers is bright and cherry, a stark contrast to how he's been feeling over the past week. The caller ID is flashing on and off.

**Kevin Ryan calling.**

Esposito takes a deep breath, thinking about what to say. Hey bro? Hmm. Not yet. Javier Esposito speaking? No, too formal. Hi Kevin? No, too cautious. His phone is still ringing loudly, vibrating in his hand.

**Kevin Ryan calling.**

'Just answer the damn phone Esposito!' He reprimands himself. Taking another deep breath, Javier presses the talk button.

"Esposito."

"Hey…Javier, it's Kevin." Ryan's voice is strong and quiet, reminding Esposito of the qualities he likes most about his best friend.

"Hey Ryan. Uh yeah, I know…caller ID." Esposito laughs quietly.

"Oh-hang on a sec Javi-what?" Ryan calls out to someone beyond the phone. "Oh okay, no worries Lanie."

"Lanie?" Esposito questions.

"Uh yeah, she came into the precinct to see Gates… and to talk to me. She wants me to tell you that she'll be home in about an hour, and that you better be cooking her dinner." Ryan replies. Esposito can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Oh like you don't cook dinner for Jenny!"

"Dude…I can actually cook, that's the difference between us." Ryan laughs.

Javier grins, happy that they're still able to joke and talk normally with all that's happened between them.

"You said Lanie talked to you? What was that about?" Esposito asks, curious.

"Oh…she came to see how I am I think. You know…after last week." Ryan says quietly, warily.

"Oh. She's probably sick of nursing my ego. I uh-I've been moping around for the last week." Esposito replies, equally quietly.

"Join the club. S-she said some things…kind of put everything into perspective. Like our friendship and the fact that this thing will tear us apart completely if we don't deal with it. Jenny's been making me see sense too…you're my best friend Javier. I don't want this to ruin us forever."

Javier pauses, contemplating his next move. He can hold onto this pain forever, or he can forgive and forget. He can choose loneliness or he can choose friendship. Putting aside his ego, he makes his choice.

"I miss you bro."

He hears the audible sigh on the other end of the phone, and smiles, knowing Kevin is just as relieved to hear the words, as he is to have said them.

"I miss you too Javi. The precinct isn't the same without you and Beckett and Castle. Lanie told me about them too. About time, don't you reckon?"

Esposito laughs. "Yeah, took them long enough. My administrative leave is up soon, so I'll be coming back. Uh…should we hang out or…I mean," He pauses, and coughs. "Do you want to have a Madden marathon on Friday night?"

He can sense the smile playing on Kevin's face, and waits in anticipation. After a long pause, which, he's sure, Kevin is doing on purpose, he hears four words that are music to his ears.

"I'd like that bro."

"Sweet. Ah, I'll see you Friday then. Should we invite Castle?"

"Hmm, nah. We should probably-I mean, do we need to talk about this?"

"Maybe. Over the phone is good but it's not the real thing. So; you, me and madden." Esposito grins.

"Bring it on. See you Friday." Kevin says, the eagerness evident in his voice.

"See ya Ryan." Ending the call, Esposito slides his phone into his pocket and laughs, knowing that they're going to be okay.

Walking out into the kitchen, he thinks to himself, 'I hope Lanie likes stir-fry.'

* * *

"Ow shit!" Javier cursed, sucking his cut thumb into his mouth. "Dammit dammit dammit!" Placing the knife on the bench, he wanders towards the bathroom, hoping to find a band-aid somewhere in Lanie's medicine cabinet. His efforts proving fruitless, Esposito looks around for an alternative to his slight dilemma. Pressing a gauze pad down onto the wound, he laughs slightly himself. _Of course, she'd be the only medical examiner in New York who is out of band-aids._

"Javi?" Lanie's voice calls out from the living area, and he hears the front door close. "You here?"

"In the bathroom Lanie, cut my finger…why a medical examiner doesn't keep her first aid kit stocked…" Esposito mutters to himself, closing the cabinet to look in the drawers below the sink.

Lanie's figure appears in the doorway, smirking. "I'll have you know, Javier Esposito, that I am the most well-stocked medical examiner in the tri-state area. And what on earth were you doing to those poor carrots on the bench? They look like they've been tortured. I hope they weren't going in my dinner…" She asks, stepping into the bathroom, sidling up next to him and nudging his hip with hers. "This is my first aid kit." She says dryly, opening up the top drawer to the right of him, which is neatly organized with band-aids, bandages, gauze wraps, anti-septic, a wide array of creams and brightly coloured bottles.

"Ah. Hadn't looked there." Javier grins sheepishly, glancing at her sideways while he pulls out a box of band-aids. "Would you?" He questions, holding out the box for her, nodding at his other hand, which is holding the gauze around his thumb.

"Let me see." Lanie smiles softly, holding out her hand for his, and gently lifting away the gauze. "Ooh that's quite deep Javi…I'm going to have to clean that out baby, put in a couple of stitches." Lanie releases his hand, and begins to pull out supplies; anti-septic cream, an alcohol swab, dissolvable stitches, and a bandage.

Esposito sighs and sits down on the side of the bathtub next to the vanity unit.

"Kevin called me."

"Oh?" Lanie replies, motioning for his hand again, beginning to clean the wound with a damp cloth.

"I know he was at the precinct when you were there. I know you talked to him." Javier looks up at Lanie, waiting until she glances up from his hand to his face before he smiles softly at her. "Thank you." His voice is a whisper, a breath across her face.

She smiles back at him; eyes alight with love and contentment, before returning her focus to the wound in front of her. Picking up the alcohol swab, Lanie begins to clean it more thoroughly, concentration flowing through the lines on her face.

"He's a mess Javi…it was weird seeing him in there without you and Beckett and Castle."

"He misses us." Esposito offers, watching her hands work slowly and gently on his.

"He misses his team without a doubt…but he's completely lost without you. You're his best friend, his brother. He's not coping babe." Lanie tenderly rubs some anti-septic cream onto the wound, now free of blood and jagged skin pieces, and begins to wind a soft white bandage around his hand and thumb.

Javier's eyes remain focused on her hands, as he takes in her words. _You're his best friend, his brother. He's not coping._

"We need to forgive each other don't we?"

"No…no I don't think you do, because it's not about forgiveness Javi. It's about having the ability to accept that there are things in the past that you can't change and letting go of things you can't control. What's that saying…? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Letting go takes courage, moving on takes courage. But if it's worth it, it's easy. I'm not saying that this is what you absolutely need to do, but I know you Javier. And I know Kevin. You need each other." Lanie finishes wrapping his hand and secures it with a metal clip. "So, what did Kevin have to say?"

Esposito recounts the conversation he had with Ryan as he leads Lanie back out into the kitchen, where he sets about fixing the meal he had been creating. He settles for making a salad, leaving Lanie to chop up the vegetables.

"So, I'll be making myself scarce on Friday then?" Lanie smirks; picking up the knife that Esposito cut himself with and running it under hot water, then chooses a clean one from the drawer.

"I do have an apartment of my own. We'll do the madden marathon there. Even though your TV is bigger than mine…" Javier sighs, grinning at Lanie.

Lanie falls silent, chewing her bottom lip, and concentrating on fixing the tortured carrots. Javier knows something is on her mind, something she's not sure she should say.

"Hey." He murmurs quietly, reaching over from the array of salad ingredients he's removed from the fridge to cup her cheek with his hand. "What is it?"

Lanie looks up at him, eyes stormy underneath her lashes. "Javi…I know that this-us," she motions between them, "is new and I know that I was scared last time but…"

"But?" Esposito pushes gently, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

"I don't want you to go. This past week, helping you to figure what you wanted, what you needed…It's made me realize how much I love you, and how much I enjoy having you here, with me. I love waking up next to you; I love eating breakfast with you. I love you with everything I have and I hope that you want it because I'm giving it to you." Lanie whispers, her eyes swimming with unshed tears of love and happiness.

Javier's face splits into a beaming smile. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Or I'll move in with you. I don't care. I just want to be with-" Lanie's cut off by Esposito's mouth on hers, hard and firm and delicious. Winding her arms around his waist, she kisses him back enthusiastically, tracing her tongue over his bottom lip. His moan vibrates into her mouth, one hand running through her black hair, the other coming to rest on her lower back, pulling her impossibly closer.

Javier tears his lips away from her mouth; placing feather light kisses along her jaw and up her face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm absolutely sure. I'm in love with you." Lanie breathes, pulling his lips back to hers for another searing, toe-curling kiss.

Javier leans back to look down at her, properly. "So, we'll both be here on Friday then?"

"You know, I might see what Kate's up to. We're well overdue for a girl's night. Jenny too. So Kevin can have you all to himself, but," Lanie grins slyly, biting her lower lip. "You're all mine when he's gone."

Javier laughs, winking. "You're all mine right now chica."

All thoughts of making and eating dinner long forgotten, the two lovers wind themselves around each other, laughing and exchanging sloppy kisses. Pulling Lanie towards her-_their _-bedroom, Javier grins to himself. His friendship with Ryan is on the mend, Lanie is _in love with him_ and he has no doubt that he'll be seeing Beckett and Castle again soon.

Sensing his sentimental mood, Lanie stops him at the doorway to her bedroom. "You okay?"

Javier turns to look at her, nodding. "Yeah. I am." He smiles. "Now, Ms Parish, let's get naked."

Lanie laughs and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, pulling her top up over her head.

Yes, he's okay. They're okay. And the family will be okay.

* * *

_Friendship and family;  
__you can have family without friends,  
__but you cannot have friends without family._

* * *

__**So this is by far the longest chapter I've written, and definitely the most Esplanie. There will be more Ryan/Jenny in the next chapter, and I definitely want to show the Friday night escapades :) I know where I want this story to end, which isn't too far away. I really hope you're enjoying it thus far, please let me know what you think! **


	6. Chapter Five

**Apologies for the delay in updating, last week was so full on I barely had time to think! Add to that, this chapter just did not want to be written! Still not entirely sure/happy about some parts...Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

"Kevin Ryan, if you don't stop twitching I'm going to tie you to that chair." Jenny states menacingly. "Why are you nervous? You're just going to play video games with Javier, _kiss and make up_." She laughs, winking.

Kevin clasps his hands together and stills his foot. Looking up at his wife leaning against the couch, he sighs. "Jenny, I love you but there's some things you don't understand about guys and friendships. First of all, Madden and Halo are not _just _video games, they're a way of life; second, playing video games together is how us guys _kiss and make up_ as you put it. Our entire friendship is resting on today; what if we can't resolve this? What if neither of us can let this go? So forgive me if I seem nervous, but this is a big deal." Kevin finishes, tapping his foot against the floor.

Jenny rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. "You and Javier are as bad as each other. Lanie has been texting me saying Javier is so paranoid and restless, he's taken two showers this morning! Seriously, you're both so worried about what might happen that you're forgetting that fixing this thing between you doesn't have to be that difficult. Kevin, you both want your friendship back on track; you both miss each other; you're both big enough and ugly enough to let go of the past, let go of things you cannot change, and move on. It's not that hard, so stop trying to make this into something that it's not."

Jenny walks over to where Kevin is sitting and kneels down next to him, looking up into his face. She gently takes one of his hands in hers and squeezes it.

"Kevin." She waits until he looks at her. "I know you. You're a worrier. But you have such a huge heart, and that's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I promise you, you've got nothing to worry about; you and Javier are going to be fine." Jenny smiles softly up at him; a smile that Kevin returns.

Tugging on her hand, Kevin pulls Jenny up until she's straddling his lap and kisses her, gently at first, slowing deepening the kiss until they've escalated into a toe curling, fire-in-their-veins make out session. Bringing her hands down from where they've been curled in his hair, Jenny stops Kevin's wandering fingers in their tracks as they inch closer to the buttons on her shirt. She pulls away breathlessly, Kevin's eyes stormy with desire, lust, and love.

"We don't have time hon'. It's nearly 11, you need to go." Jenny murmurs, slowly extracting herself from Kevin's lap, brushing her hands down his chest as she gets up.

"You tease Mrs. Ryan." Kevin says, pushing himself up off the chair. "Where's my coat?"

"Oh you have no idea how much of a tease I'll be tonight, Mr. Ryan." Jenny smirks, and then points down the hallway. "It's on the kitchen bench."

Kevin wanders into the kitchen and retrieves his coat off the bench, slinging it over his shoulder and walking back out to the living area, where Jenny is holding out his keys for him. Taking them from her hand, Kevin leans in slightly and brushes a light kiss against her lips. "Thank you."

Jenny shakes her head, gently pushing on his chest until he's at the door. "You can thank me later, stud."

Kevin laughs, taking hold of her hands and pulling her into a firm embrace. "Love you. Have a good time with Beckett and Lanie."

Jenny smiles into his neck. "Love you too. And hon?"

"Yeah?"

"Take a deep breath and let it go."

* * *

'_It's just Ryan, it's just your best mate.' _Esposito repeats the mantra to himself in his head as he paces around Lanie's-_his_-kitchen, setting down the bowl of chips and picking them up again just so his hands have something to do.

Lanie left for her girls' day out with Beckett and Jenny almost half an hour ago, leaving Javier on his own; restless, anxious and pacing. He sighs, setting the chips down on the bench, and opens the fridge to grab a beer. Smiling slightly to himself, he thinks about what Lanie would say if she were here to witness his paranoia. _'She'd probably just repeat the lecture she gave me.' _ Her parting words replay in his head as he resumes his pacing, anxiously glancing at the clock on the wall.

"_If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."_

Esposito startles as he hears a knocking at the door. Walking slowly through the apartment, he gathers himself and takes a deep breath.

_Find a way._

* * *

Kevin can hear shuffling inside Lanie's apartment. _Come on Javier, the beer is getting warm… _He's anxious for them to work things out, knowing that Esposito has missed their brotherly ribbing and jostling as much as he has.

The door swings open and he's meet with the sight of a hesitant smile on Esposito's face. Holding up the six-pack in his hands, Ryan grins back and steps inside the apartment.

"Thought I'd have to drink the beer before you got to the door, took you long enough." he jokes, turning around to face Esposito as he closes the door behind them.

"Saving my energy bro." Javier reiterates, motioning towards the living area where his Xbox is hooked up to Lanie's sufficiently sized television.

"Dude, you know I'm going to beat you today, no matter how energized you are. Deal with it." Kevin shrugs, following Esposito into the kitchen and placing the beers down on the bench.

"Oh whatever! You said that last time, right before you failed miserably."

"When was that?"

"Like two, three weeks ago! It was the Monday before the Orlando Costas case! You know, the guy who killed him also shot Bec-" Javier stops abruptly, glancing at Kevin warily, who's regarding him with equal apprehension. The memories of the Orlando Costas case still fresh and raw in their minds, a silence falls between them; each lost in their own thoughts. Orlando Costas, Beckett's shooter, the case where Beckett almost died.

_Take a deep breath and let it go. _

Kevin breathes in deeply, shakily and exhales slowly. Ripping open the cardboard surrounding the beers, he extracts two and holds one out to Javier, who takes it with a tentative hand.

"This time is going to be _so _different Espo, I was going easy on you last time." Kevin scoffs, offering a small smile.

Javier expels a breathy laugh and grins, the tension and stress slipping away slowly.

"Bring it on bro."

* * *

"…go, go, go! Oh come on you useless mutt." Ryan urges his on-screen alter ego forward, brow creased in concentration and fingers working furiously on the controller.

Esposito gasps slightly then laughs as his own alter ego recovers from an attack and pursues glory. "Tough luck bro, looks like it's your loss again."

The screen freezes as Ryan pauses the game, throwing the controller down on the coffee table in front of him and reaching up to rub his eyes. Esposito follows suit, and stands up to stretch. Sitting down for nearly three hours makes his bones ache, and he tries to convince himself he's not getting old as his back cracks audibly.

"Another beer Javi?" Kevin's voice floats in from the kitchen, where he's now standing, eating from the discarded bowl of chips that was left on the bench.

"Uh yeah, thanks bro." Javier yawns, wandering through to the kitchen and accepting the second beer held out to him.

"Hey…have you heard from Beckett or Castle?"

"I haven't, but Lanie talked to Beckett last week, couple of days after…you know." Javier mumbles, eyes fixated on the beer in his hand.

"Oh. Good." Kevin replies, taking a seat at the small table in the middle of the kitchen.

A silence falls between them for the second time, both unsure of where to go from here. The clock on the wall ticks loudly, honking cars in the street below find their way into the apartment. They're still _them_, and they're not…broken as such, but there's a heavy blanket of wariness covering them, slowly suffocating them.

"Kevin-"

"Javi-"

They both laugh awkwardly, until Esposito motions for Ryan to say whatever he was going to say. "You first."

"Uh…Javier, do we- I mean, should we...do you want to talk about what happened?" Kevin stutters, shifting slightly on the chair.

Javier leans against the counter top, sighing. "What happened…you mean Beckett and I chasing this guy off-record and her almost dropping off the side of a building? Dude, if…if you hadn't done things by the book…" his voices fades as his eyes gleam, thoughts of what if's floating around his head; familiarity he's known since that day.

"Javier, if I hadn't been so 'by the book', if I had gone with you-I could have helped more than I did." Ryan croaks, his voice trembling and shoulders shaking with the pain of remembering.

"You look at me Ryan! Beckett would be dead if you'd come with us! Wait…that didn't come out right." Esposito frowns, searching for the right thing to say, the _only _thing to say. Kevin looks unsure, his hands twisting together and his eyebrows raising slightly, as though daring Esposito to prove him wrong.

"Ryan, Beckett would have dropped off the side of that building and fallen to her death if you hadn't been so 'by the book'." Using finger quotes to emphasize his words, Esposito continues. "Lanie's made me see that what happened…it's no one's fault. But you saved Beckett. That was hard for me to deal with, because I should have had her back, I should have protected her, and I-I didn't! It made me feel like I wasn't a good friend, a good detective…a good person." Javier finishes softly, blinking his eyes rapidly as they become increasingly hot with tears.

Kevin's mouth falls open slightly and his shoulders fall limp, giving him the air of someone defeated.

"Espo, if I had kept my mouth shut, you'd still have your job! We wouldn't be having this conversation." He motions between them, shrugging. "I shouldn't have said anything to Gates. Beckett wouldn't have quit, you'd still be around…it's my fault. What I did…doesn't make you any less of a friend, or a detective, or a person. Javi…I had too, but I'm sorry."

"Of course you had too bro! You were looking out for us; you were protecting us. I admire that about you, the fact that you don't let anyone hurt your family. Me…I let my guard down and Beckett got hurt because of that. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Esposito says bitterly, remnants of the anger at himself surfacing.

"It's _my_ fault." Ryan replies stubbornly, refusing to relent.

"No, it's mine. _I'm _sorry."

"We're not going to be able to let this go are we? It's always going to be here, hanging over us." Ryan whispers, a tear falling from his eye as he struggles to maintain his strong façade.

_Find a way._

"I think…we should let it go. No one is to blame. What's done is done, the past is past, and we can't change it. And, to be honest…I wouldn't want too. Kevin, being put on administrative leave has been good for me. It's made me realize what I want in life and what I want is to be the best damn detective I can be, right after I marry the beautiful woman I'm living with. And I know quitting was the best decision for Beckett, so really…we should be thanking you for being the teacher's pet." Javier grins, teasing his friend.

"Let it go…" Ryan repeats, nodding. "I can do that. I want to do that."

"Let it go." Esposito affirms, holding out his hand towards Ryan. "Friends?"

Ryan stares at Esposito's hand before abruptly standing up off his chair and swiftly moving around the bench, embracing him in a firm hug.

"Javi, we're more than friends. We're brothers."

* * *

_I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.  
__I sought my God, but my God eluded me.  
__I sought my brother and I found all three._

**Unknown**


	7. Epilogue

**I'm so sorry for the long delay in updating, the last couple of months have quite literally been mad and I've barely had any time to write a sentence let alone a chapter. This is the end of this story, I hope you've enjoyed it and I hope I did the ending justice! Let me know what you think :) **

* * *

Javier looked himself over in the full-length mirror, straightening up his royal blue tie against the stark bright white of the shirt underneath. Glancing out of the window to the expansive garden area below him, he could see guests milling around waiting for the ceremony to start. _Not long now,_ he grinned, fishing the small piece of paper out of his chest pocket, reading the words written in his handwriting, engraining them in his mind. _I'm getting married today, holy shit. _

The door behind him opened suddenly and the energetic face of his best man rounded the door. "Dude, you are going to die when you see Lanie! You're a lucky guy. You nervous?" Kevin Ryan asked eagerly, casting an experienced eye over Javier's suit. "You're flying a little low." He points, watching as Javier whips his head down, hands flying to his pants, until he raises his face to glare at Kevin.

"Not cool bro, I'm already stressing here. How's Lanie?" Javier asks, pacing slowly around the room, occasionally glancing out of the window.

Kevin walks over to check himself out in the mirror, catching Esposito's anxious face watching him closely. "She's fine." Ryan states, a little too casually for the former.

"Ryan! If I'm stressing…Jenny and Beckett are with her? She hasn't murdered anyone has she…?"

Ryan laughs and turns around to face his friend. "Javi, relax. She's well taken care of down there. Jenny and Beckett have made sure she doesn't need to lift a finger."

"Good. Great. Have you got the rings?" Javier asks anxiously.

"Yes."

"Speech?"

"Yes."

"No funny business?"

"Absolutely." Kevin laughs.

"Kevin." Javier fixes his friend with a deadpan stare, feeling the corners of his mouth turning up.

Kevin laughs again, heartedly and whole. "It's your wedding bro. Nothing dodgy."

Javier grins, twisting his hands together nervously. "My wedding. I'm getting married today."

A soft knock on the door breaks the excited tension in the room, and Kate Beckett's face rounds the white wooden door. "Hey," she smiles brightly, closing the door quietly behind her. "Kevin, Castle needs your help escorting a few of the older people to their seats. We're almost ready for you down there Espo."

"Right, that's me gone then. See you down there Javi." Kevin claps the Hispanic detective on the back and steps out of the room, adjusting his jacket as he leaves.

Javier grins at Kate, whose face is alight with happiness. She reaches out toward him and straightens his tie slightly, brushing her hands over his collar.

"You look very handsome Detective Esposito. You nervous?"

Esposito hums, nodding. "Just until I see her. She, ah, is gonna walk down the aisle right?"

Beckett laughs and pulls him into a tight embrace, which he returns just as keenly. "I promise you, she is going to walk down that aisle and you are going to die." Beckett pulls back and rearranges her dress, now slightly crinkled from the hug. "I'm so happy for you two, it took you long enough!"

Javier laughs, content. "We just had to find our groove."

* * *

It wasn't often that Javier Esposito was lost for words. More often than not, he had too much to say. Seeing his bride walk down the aisle towards him in her flowing white dress, however, had him barely able to breathe, let alone string two words together. _God she's so beautiful._

Her smile light up her entire face, and it was answered by the grin on his. Her soft hands slid into his when she stood before him, her father having declared he was giving her away. _Breathe, Javier. _

"You're so beautiful." His voice is a whisper, a heartbeat living just for her. Her hands squeezed his gently and the words I love you formed on her lips.

"On this glorious afternoon in the Hamptons, we are gathered to celebrate the joining of Lanie Parish and Javier Esposito in holy matrimony…"

* * *

"…so to the happy couple, to two of my best friends: you deserve all the happiness that the world can offer you. I love you both so much and I know that today marks the beginning of an exciting life together. To Lanie and Javier!" Kevin Ryan raised his glass amid cries of 'Lanie and Javier!', drinking to the beaming couple.

* * *

"Javi I think you're going to burn holes in her soon…" Kevin came to a standstill next to his best friend, offering up a glass of whiskey.

Javier grinned and accepted the glass, not taking his eyes off his radiant wife. _My wife. _She was laughing and bursting with happiness, as she danced and joked with Beckett, their two dresses swirling around like delicate ribbons caught in the wind.

"Not to look at her would be to waste of my sight." Esposito sighed and turned his head towards his best man, intoxicated with love, happiness, and just a hint of whiskey.

"I know how you feel. Jenny and I have been married more than a year and she is still the most beautiful girl in the world to me – always will be." Ryan glances over to where his wife his seated, in conversation with Castle. As if there is a magnetic connection between them, she turns and catches his eye, smiling softly.

"I still can't believe it Ryan. I'm married." Javier laughs, his eyes shining.

"That you are, Mr Parish." Ryan laughs, dodging the light punch thrown his way.

"Actually, that has an okay ring to it…" Esposito says wonderingly. "Hey, Kevin. Your speech was really beautiful. Thanks for being my best man."

"S'what best friends are for."

"Brothers. S'what brothers are for." Esposito corrects him, fixing his eyes on his wife again. "That's my wife, Kevin."

Kevin tilts his head and grins, raising his glass to clink with Javier's.

"You are one lucky guy, Javier."

* * *

_All for one and one for all  
My brother and my friend  
What fun we have  
The time we share  
Brothers 'til the end._

**Unknown**


End file.
